The Top Ten Quotes From Your Family

Cardamom – My mom, to me and my friends at our dinner table: “Barkada kayo ng mga bakla, no?”
Glenda – My son during dinner that we hosted for my boss: “Mom, how’s your diarrhea?”
No name – My mom once said to me: “If your father is poor, that’s destiny. But if your husband is poor, that’s stupidity.”
Jorik – When my mom was teaching me language she said: “F is F, P is P. Get the foint?”
Lynski – My 7-year-old daughter was looking at our wedding pictures when she asked: “Mom, why wasn’t I at your wedding?”
Stonewall – When my sister had her first manliligaw, our lola asked the boy: “May plano ka bang galawin ang pechay ng apo ko?”
Jose – My dad: “Sa susunod na maglalayas ka, sasabihin kung saan ka namin mahahanap!”
Your Highness – My niece: “Si Daddy pag natutulog, laging nakahawak sa dodo ni Mommy!”
Hands-on-mom – A friend will always remind his son going on a date: “Anak remember, putting condoms is easier than changing diapers.”
LilRedShiningNips – My cousin from Cebu was buying calamansi so he asked for lemoncito (what they call calamansi in cebu). The tindera gave him a bottle of lemon C2.
Denzyou – My 10-year-old sister as she lead the rosary: “The second sorrowful mystery is the scourging of the caterpillar…”
Ghildon – My mom while scolding our dog: “Ikaw Martin ha, nagiging hayop ka na!”
Boknoi – My sister yelled at her son playing outside: “Kain na, pinagluto kita ng adobo!” Her son answered: “Mamaya na, nagpapalipad pa ako ng saranggola!” My sister said: “Mamaya na yan, makakain mo yang saranggola mo?” Her son answered: “Eh yang adobo mo, mapapalipad mo ba?”
Harold – During our wedding reception, my wife’s mom said in her speech: “Anak, sana matulad kayo sa amin ng daddy mo. Kahit sa ganitong edad, napahilig pa rin sa sex!”
Grecia – My husband asked our eldest: “Ano gagawin mo kung malaman mong may kapatid ka sa labas?” Our son answered: “Eh di papapasukin ko.”
Daddy Elmo – I once told my kids who were asking permission to swim late at night: “Wag na, gabi na. Bukas ng umaga nalang kayo mag night swimming!”
No name – My 90-year-old lola, after all these years, refers to Madonna as: “Magnolia”.
Tan – My mom wrote this on her card for me: “You may not be pretty, but you’re definitely sweet.”
Maive – A month before his fatal heart attack, my dad told my mom: “Sweetheart, if it’s time for me to go, let me go, okay?”
Kachika – When they were putting my lola’s ashes in the urn, her sister touched the urn and it felt warm to the touch. She started crying: “Mainit pa! Buhay pa siya!!!”
Lia – One day my mom just blurted out of nowhere: “Pag kinasal ka, wag ka na magsuot ng belo, kasi hindi ka na virgin…”
Ergo – One time my mom slipped: “Manang-mana ka sa tunay mong ama!”
Grace – When I introduced a suitor to my lola, she said: “Sino to, yung bobo o yung bad breath?”
Bubbles – After a night out at Rockwell, my mom asked me where I came from. I answered: “Sa Power Plant.” She said: “Aber, at ano naman ang ginawa mo sa Meralco ng ganito kagabi?”
SC- We once had a visitor in our house. (My lola saw our visitor picking her nose) Lola: “Anong kinukuha mo ineng?” Visitor: “Nursing po.” Lola: “Ah, akala ko kulangot.”