hi guyz.. im jophen.. 19, 4th year bsn student.. we can be friends coz im so easy to deal with. im a good girl but sometimes i do something outrageous, stupid, idiotic or potentially embarrassing which shows my bad girl side. sometimes i do what i wanted to do regardless of the outcomes certainty. yun nga lng mnsan, aq npphmk sa mga pnggagawa q. im a person anyone can trust, and my patience and kindness are admirable. just like everyone else, i had my share of people being mean to me. it doesn't matter who you are, people will always talk about you or might say bad things about you bcoz they're bored, insecure, or not happy for whatever reason. i know some people are against me because of my attitude, some would tell me that im unpredictable, snob and unfriendly, oh well,i cant really please anyone,i just really want to please myself, my family and God!also, i have this childish attitude. i enjoy annoying my younger cousins, up to the point that they'd cry.. but when they started singing in chorus, my mom would actually scream at me in true Josefa Pagayonan fashion. azar! but i enjoy being a mama's girl..haha
basketball and volleyball are my fave sports.. i also know how to play billiard, softball and badminton..i can dance! i can sing! those are all facts haha.. im a "gossip" girl, esp if its about showbizness.. i do watch teleseryes and reality shows or anything bsta with drama .. my top 3 cravings tlg pg mei naipon aqng pera pra mg'food trip are:McDo's/ Jollibee's large french fries, Greenwhich medium size Hawaiian pizza (kulang p nga e..oh wel un lng kya q blhn e..hehe..) and piattos, nova, name it..match with ice cold RC!!!!!haha
So now, i now i guess u've known me a little..hehe.. i am who i am, so deal wid it!!!!
add nyo q.. nephoj21@yahoo.com
peace!!!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Top Ten Signs That He’s/She’s Just Not That Into You
Greg – When he says things like, “Nung bang bata ka palang, pangit ka na?”
Forg – If he won’t text unless you send him load.
Smiles-a-lot – You send him a sweet text and he replies: “Pasaload naman diyan, o!”
Gooey Kablooey – If whatever you give her, she gives away to her friends.
Hunter Lizie – If he says non-committal invites like, “Let’s have coffee one of these days”, but never gives an exact date.
Mr. Perk – If while on a date, he only talks about himself and never asks anything about you.
Dr. G – If every time you send a text like: “Kumusta na?”, ang sagot niya: “Mabuti naman PO sir, kumusta naman PO ang ASAWA niyo?”
Tyrone – If he says stuff like: “After my wife and two kids…ikaw na, pare.”
SPY Shadow/Juggernaut – If he only wants to see you every 15th and 3oth of every month.
Loi Pogi – You send him a flirty text like: “Maaga ako makakalabas ng office…” Then he replies: “Good, eh di maaga kang makakauwi.”
Gorgeous Bitch/I.M.D. – If for the nth time you texted him to invite him out, ang reply pa din niya: “Who u?”
Joel – IF he always says: “I love you” before sex, but never after.
Geyp – “If you tell her, “I love you”, and she replies, “Thank you, friend!”
Loi Pogi – If he accepts your friend request on Facebook, only to unfriend you after a few days.
Gorgeous Bitch – If he says, “Grabe, kamukhang-kamukha mo yung crush ko.”
Eylek – If every time you text or YM her sweet messages like, “I miss you” or “I love you”, ang sagot niya lagi ay: “:-)”
Boknoi – If you text her: “Gising ka pa?” at ang sagot niya ay: “zzzzzzz…”
RJ – If you text her: “It’s a great night to go out…” and she answers: “Have fun!”
Beautifulweirdo – If he says, “I’ll call you!” but never asked for your number.
Jam – If you ask her out and she replies: “Sinu-sino TAYO?”
Ash – You text her: “Ikaw ang pinakamahalagang tao sa buhay ko ngayon”. And she replies: “Ganun?”
Hopeless Jec – If she let’s you take her home, but she never replies to any of your texts.
Pancakes – If you ask her: “So…where do you live?” And she answers: “At the corner of ‘fat chance’ and ‘no way’.”
Astroboy -If every time you text him a romantic quote, he sends you a friendship quote in return.
Stanford – If you text her: “How are you today, sexy!” And she replies: “Mabuti naman po, kuya!”
Forg – If he won’t text unless you send him load.
Smiles-a-lot – You send him a sweet text and he replies: “Pasaload naman diyan, o!”
Gooey Kablooey – If whatever you give her, she gives away to her friends.
Hunter Lizie – If he says non-committal invites like, “Let’s have coffee one of these days”, but never gives an exact date.
Mr. Perk – If while on a date, he only talks about himself and never asks anything about you.
Dr. G – If every time you send a text like: “Kumusta na?”, ang sagot niya: “Mabuti naman PO sir, kumusta naman PO ang ASAWA niyo?”
Tyrone – If he says stuff like: “After my wife and two kids…ikaw na, pare.”
SPY Shadow/Juggernaut – If he only wants to see you every 15th and 3oth of every month.
Loi Pogi – You send him a flirty text like: “Maaga ako makakalabas ng office…” Then he replies: “Good, eh di maaga kang makakauwi.”
Gorgeous Bitch/I.M.D. – If for the nth time you texted him to invite him out, ang reply pa din niya: “Who u?”
Joel – IF he always says: “I love you” before sex, but never after.
Geyp – “If you tell her, “I love you”, and she replies, “Thank you, friend!”
Loi Pogi – If he accepts your friend request on Facebook, only to unfriend you after a few days.
Gorgeous Bitch – If he says, “Grabe, kamukhang-kamukha mo yung crush ko.”
Eylek – If every time you text or YM her sweet messages like, “I miss you” or “I love you”, ang sagot niya lagi ay: “:-)”
Boknoi – If you text her: “Gising ka pa?” at ang sagot niya ay: “zzzzzzz…”
RJ – If you text her: “It’s a great night to go out…” and she answers: “Have fun!”
Beautifulweirdo – If he says, “I’ll call you!” but never asked for your number.
Jam – If you ask her out and she replies: “Sinu-sino TAYO?”
Ash – You text her: “Ikaw ang pinakamahalagang tao sa buhay ko ngayon”. And she replies: “Ganun?”
Hopeless Jec – If she let’s you take her home, but she never replies to any of your texts.
Pancakes – If you ask her: “So…where do you live?” And she answers: “At the corner of ‘fat chance’ and ‘no way’.”
Astroboy -If every time you text him a romantic quote, he sends you a friendship quote in return.
Stanford – If you text her: “How are you today, sexy!” And she replies: “Mabuti naman po, kuya!”
The Top Ten Quotes From Your Family
Cardamom – My mom, to me and my friends at our dinner table: “Barkada kayo ng mga bakla, no?”
Glenda – My son during dinner that we hosted for my boss: “Mom, how’s your diarrhea?”
No name – My mom once said to me: “If your father is poor, that’s destiny. But if your husband is poor, that’s stupidity.”
Jorik – When my mom was teaching me language she said: “F is F, P is P. Get the foint?”
Lynski – My 7-year-old daughter was looking at our wedding pictures when she asked: “Mom, why wasn’t I at your wedding?”
Stonewall – When my sister had her first manliligaw, our lola asked the boy: “May plano ka bang galawin ang pechay ng apo ko?”
Jose – My dad: “Sa susunod na maglalayas ka, sasabihin kung saan ka namin mahahanap!”
Your Highness – My niece: “Si Daddy pag natutulog, laging nakahawak sa dodo ni Mommy!”
Hands-on-mom – A friend will always remind his son going on a date: “Anak remember, putting condoms is easier than changing diapers.”
LilRedShiningNips – My cousin from Cebu was buying calamansi so he asked for lemoncito (what they call calamansi in cebu). The tindera gave him a bottle of lemon C2.
Denzyou – My 10-year-old sister as she lead the rosary: “The second sorrowful mystery is the scourging of the caterpillar…”
Ghildon – My mom while scolding our dog: “Ikaw Martin ha, nagiging hayop ka na!”
Boknoi – My sister yelled at her son playing outside: “Kain na, pinagluto kita ng adobo!” Her son answered: “Mamaya na, nagpapalipad pa ako ng saranggola!” My sister said: “Mamaya na yan, makakain mo yang saranggola mo?” Her son answered: “Eh yang adobo mo, mapapalipad mo ba?”
Harold – During our wedding reception, my wife’s mom said in her speech: “Anak, sana matulad kayo sa amin ng daddy mo. Kahit sa ganitong edad, napahilig pa rin sa sex!”
Grecia – My husband asked our eldest: “Ano gagawin mo kung malaman mong may kapatid ka sa labas?” Our son answered: “Eh di papapasukin ko.”
Daddy Elmo – I once told my kids who were asking permission to swim late at night: “Wag na, gabi na. Bukas ng umaga nalang kayo mag night swimming!”
No name – My 90-year-old lola, after all these years, refers to Madonna as: “Magnolia”.
Tan – My mom wrote this on her card for me: “You may not be pretty, but you’re definitely sweet.”
Maive – A month before his fatal heart attack, my dad told my mom: “Sweetheart, if it’s time for me to go, let me go, okay?”
Kachika – When they were putting my lola’s ashes in the urn, her sister touched the urn and it felt warm to the touch. She started crying: “Mainit pa! Buhay pa siya!!!”
Lia – One day my mom just blurted out of nowhere: “Pag kinasal ka, wag ka na magsuot ng belo, kasi hindi ka na virgin…”
Ergo – One time my mom slipped: “Manang-mana ka sa tunay mong ama!”
Grace – When I introduced a suitor to my lola, she said: “Sino to, yung bobo o yung bad breath?”
Bubbles – After a night out at Rockwell, my mom asked me where I came from. I answered: “Sa Power Plant.” She said: “Aber, at ano naman ang ginawa mo sa Meralco ng ganito kagabi?”
SC- We once had a visitor in our house. (My lola saw our visitor picking her nose) Lola: “Anong kinukuha mo ineng?” Visitor: “Nursing po.” Lola: “Ah, akala ko kulangot.”
Glenda – My son during dinner that we hosted for my boss: “Mom, how’s your diarrhea?”
No name – My mom once said to me: “If your father is poor, that’s destiny. But if your husband is poor, that’s stupidity.”
Jorik – When my mom was teaching me language she said: “F is F, P is P. Get the foint?”
Lynski – My 7-year-old daughter was looking at our wedding pictures when she asked: “Mom, why wasn’t I at your wedding?”
Stonewall – When my sister had her first manliligaw, our lola asked the boy: “May plano ka bang galawin ang pechay ng apo ko?”
Jose – My dad: “Sa susunod na maglalayas ka, sasabihin kung saan ka namin mahahanap!”
Your Highness – My niece: “Si Daddy pag natutulog, laging nakahawak sa dodo ni Mommy!”
Hands-on-mom – A friend will always remind his son going on a date: “Anak remember, putting condoms is easier than changing diapers.”
LilRedShiningNips – My cousin from Cebu was buying calamansi so he asked for lemoncito (what they call calamansi in cebu). The tindera gave him a bottle of lemon C2.
Denzyou – My 10-year-old sister as she lead the rosary: “The second sorrowful mystery is the scourging of the caterpillar…”
Ghildon – My mom while scolding our dog: “Ikaw Martin ha, nagiging hayop ka na!”
Boknoi – My sister yelled at her son playing outside: “Kain na, pinagluto kita ng adobo!” Her son answered: “Mamaya na, nagpapalipad pa ako ng saranggola!” My sister said: “Mamaya na yan, makakain mo yang saranggola mo?” Her son answered: “Eh yang adobo mo, mapapalipad mo ba?”
Harold – During our wedding reception, my wife’s mom said in her speech: “Anak, sana matulad kayo sa amin ng daddy mo. Kahit sa ganitong edad, napahilig pa rin sa sex!”
Grecia – My husband asked our eldest: “Ano gagawin mo kung malaman mong may kapatid ka sa labas?” Our son answered: “Eh di papapasukin ko.”
Daddy Elmo – I once told my kids who were asking permission to swim late at night: “Wag na, gabi na. Bukas ng umaga nalang kayo mag night swimming!”
No name – My 90-year-old lola, after all these years, refers to Madonna as: “Magnolia”.
Tan – My mom wrote this on her card for me: “You may not be pretty, but you’re definitely sweet.”
Maive – A month before his fatal heart attack, my dad told my mom: “Sweetheart, if it’s time for me to go, let me go, okay?”
Kachika – When they were putting my lola’s ashes in the urn, her sister touched the urn and it felt warm to the touch. She started crying: “Mainit pa! Buhay pa siya!!!”
Lia – One day my mom just blurted out of nowhere: “Pag kinasal ka, wag ka na magsuot ng belo, kasi hindi ka na virgin…”
Ergo – One time my mom slipped: “Manang-mana ka sa tunay mong ama!”
Grace – When I introduced a suitor to my lola, she said: “Sino to, yung bobo o yung bad breath?”
Bubbles – After a night out at Rockwell, my mom asked me where I came from. I answered: “Sa Power Plant.” She said: “Aber, at ano naman ang ginawa mo sa Meralco ng ganito kagabi?”
SC- We once had a visitor in our house. (My lola saw our visitor picking her nose) Lola: “Anong kinukuha mo ineng?” Visitor: “Nursing po.” Lola: “Ah, akala ko kulangot.”
The Top Ten College Moments And Quotes
Sargi – When one classmate in Comparative Vertebrae was stuttering because he was nervous, our professor said: “Do you know what differentiates us from lower animals? Our spine. Show yours.”
Sherwin Marcelo – Our college prof: “Be ready for a surprise quiz tomorrow.”
Babyjen – When our teacher asked if there were any scholars in class, I raised my hand. She then said: “I hate scholars.”
Zeni Grand - My male teacher answered, after I asked the difference between mystery & miracle: “When you get pregnant, that’s a mystery. If I get pregnant, that’s a miracle.”
Geronimo – Priest in our collage: “Ang bunga ng edukasyon ay depende sa tao. Tulad ng tubig, pag ininom ng baka, ginagawang gatas na masustansya. Ngunit pag ininom ng ahas, ginagawang lason na nakakamatay.”
Pipit - Sa PLM, may isang shed doon na kung tawagin namin ay “gay factory”. Kasi lahat ng tumatambay doon na lalaki, nagiging bading.
ACER – During a hands-on pig castration, my face squirmed when I finally made a slit on d pig’s jewels. My professor said: “Huwag mo kasing imagine-in na yung iyo yan!”
No name – On our 1st quiz in finance, the professor told us to write an essay similar to a mini-skirt: “short enough to be interesting, but l0ng enough to cover the essential parts.”
Carebear – I took to heart UP’s saying that: “Do not let your academics ruin your education.”
Astroboy – One thing I learned in U.P.: Suggested readings are MANDATORY.
SC – A classmate who never went out with us explained: “Kapag maganda ang anak, mahigpit ang magulang. Sana maintindihan ninyo ang mga magulang ko.”
Maomao – During Biology class, a classmate actually asked our prof: “Sir, what if while a guy and a girl are doing ‘it’, naihi yung lalaki?”
Kat – Overheard in our university. Girl 1: “Let’s buy dinner!” Girl 2: “What do you plan to buy?” Girl 1: “Uhm…dinner.”
No name – In Clinical Chemistry, we need to study all sorts of bodily fluids, including sperm. So our male classmates would supply us girls with fresh sperm to count for our exercises.
MNEMONIC – In the men’s toilet, may chewing gum na nakadikit sa wall with the caption: ” Dito idikit ang nalalagas na pubic hair para di magbara ang bowl. from: d’ janitor”
Cheezy Jen – We used to have a female prof who’s so enormously well-endowed, that everytime she wrote on the board, everything chest-level is erased.
No name – Law prof: “You start preparing for your board exams on the first day of law school.”
Eylek – Our teacher said: “Our lesson for today is Algebra.” Becaue i was noisy, she asked me: “What is Algebra?” I answered: “Our lesson for today?”
Nenz – A note in the U.P. Manila library: “Keep Quiet – GOD (Guard On Duty)”
Meg of UPLB – In UPLB, there’s a superstition that if you have your picture taken with the Oblation, you won’t graduate on time. They say the same with the other university icons like Mariang Banga and Pegaraw.
Forg – Prof: “Don’t make me angry. Whenever I get upset, a calamity hits the country!”
Gooey Kablooey – From our U.P. philosophy professor: “I ask God, if there is a God, to save my soul, if there is a soul.”
Nobag – Prof: “Why did you bring your cat to school?” Girl: “Naawa po ako, kasi sabi ng boyfriend ko, ‘Tomorrow, I’ll eat your pussy!’”
Boknoi – True story: During oral recitations in our anatomy class, the teacher asked a male classmate of mine what is the external genitalia of the female called. My classmate said: “Alam niyo ma’am, di ko masyadong maalala, but it was at the tip of my tongue this morning.”
Sherwin Marcelo – Our college prof: “Be ready for a surprise quiz tomorrow.”
Babyjen – When our teacher asked if there were any scholars in class, I raised my hand. She then said: “I hate scholars.”
Zeni Grand - My male teacher answered, after I asked the difference between mystery & miracle: “When you get pregnant, that’s a mystery. If I get pregnant, that’s a miracle.”
Geronimo – Priest in our collage: “Ang bunga ng edukasyon ay depende sa tao. Tulad ng tubig, pag ininom ng baka, ginagawang gatas na masustansya. Ngunit pag ininom ng ahas, ginagawang lason na nakakamatay.”
Pipit - Sa PLM, may isang shed doon na kung tawagin namin ay “gay factory”. Kasi lahat ng tumatambay doon na lalaki, nagiging bading.
ACER – During a hands-on pig castration, my face squirmed when I finally made a slit on d pig’s jewels. My professor said: “Huwag mo kasing imagine-in na yung iyo yan!”
No name – On our 1st quiz in finance, the professor told us to write an essay similar to a mini-skirt: “short enough to be interesting, but l0ng enough to cover the essential parts.”
Carebear – I took to heart UP’s saying that: “Do not let your academics ruin your education.”
Astroboy – One thing I learned in U.P.: Suggested readings are MANDATORY.
SC – A classmate who never went out with us explained: “Kapag maganda ang anak, mahigpit ang magulang. Sana maintindihan ninyo ang mga magulang ko.”
Maomao – During Biology class, a classmate actually asked our prof: “Sir, what if while a guy and a girl are doing ‘it’, naihi yung lalaki?”
Kat – Overheard in our university. Girl 1: “Let’s buy dinner!” Girl 2: “What do you plan to buy?” Girl 1: “Uhm…dinner.”
No name – In Clinical Chemistry, we need to study all sorts of bodily fluids, including sperm. So our male classmates would supply us girls with fresh sperm to count for our exercises.
MNEMONIC – In the men’s toilet, may chewing gum na nakadikit sa wall with the caption: ” Dito idikit ang nalalagas na pubic hair para di magbara ang bowl. from: d’ janitor”
Cheezy Jen – We used to have a female prof who’s so enormously well-endowed, that everytime she wrote on the board, everything chest-level is erased.
No name – Law prof: “You start preparing for your board exams on the first day of law school.”
Eylek – Our teacher said: “Our lesson for today is Algebra.” Becaue i was noisy, she asked me: “What is Algebra?” I answered: “Our lesson for today?”
Nenz – A note in the U.P. Manila library: “Keep Quiet – GOD (Guard On Duty)”
Meg of UPLB – In UPLB, there’s a superstition that if you have your picture taken with the Oblation, you won’t graduate on time. They say the same with the other university icons like Mariang Banga and Pegaraw.
Forg – Prof: “Don’t make me angry. Whenever I get upset, a calamity hits the country!”
Gooey Kablooey – From our U.P. philosophy professor: “I ask God, if there is a God, to save my soul, if there is a soul.”
Nobag – Prof: “Why did you bring your cat to school?” Girl: “Naawa po ako, kasi sabi ng boyfriend ko, ‘Tomorrow, I’ll eat your pussy!’”
Boknoi – True story: During oral recitations in our anatomy class, the teacher asked a male classmate of mine what is the external genitalia of the female called. My classmate said: “Alam niyo ma’am, di ko masyadong maalala, but it was at the tip of my tongue this morning.”
The Top Ten Signs That Your Yaya Is A Major Loser
1. Kyle – One day our yaya said: “Ayoko na, aalis na ko!” So my mom said: “Bakit, may nagawa ba kami sa iyo na hindi mo nagustuhan?” Our yaya calmly replied: “Hindi naman po, kaya lang yung sampayan di ko na maabot, masyadong mataas.”
2. No name – My mom quizzed our new yaya: “Paano magluto ng nilagang baka?” The yaya answered: “Una…uhm…lulunurin muna yung baka…”
3. Greg/L&L – I asked our yaya to buy green peas. She came back with a tube of Colgate and said: “Wala pong grimpis, ang meron lang tutpis.”
4. No name – I asked our yaya how much a kilo of pork costs nowadays. She answered: “Ay, ewan ate, kasi laging kalahating kilo lang ang binibili ko.”
5. KeyArena – I instructed our yaya to press my blouse. After an hour, she came back with the blouse frozen, complete with icicles. When I asked what she did, she said: “Diba sabi mo i-press? Eh di nilagay so sa presser (freezer)!”
6. Chupachups – One time our yaya was struggling to get something on a high shelf. So I gave her a chair and said: “Eto, gamitin mo.” Annoyed, she said: “Ate, mas lalo kong di maaabot yan pag umupo ako!”
7. Puff daddy – One day I saw our yaya cooking fish. I asked: “Yaya, tuna yan?” She answered: “Kuya, hindi pa.” She thought I asked, “Luto na yan?”
8. Meatball – I asked our yaya how many LPG tanks we had. She said 2. But then I saw a third one, so I asked: “Eh ano yun?” She answered: “Basyo.”
9. BluePalito – I called up our house and our yaya answered: “Hello, sino ‘to?” So I said: “Manang, si Potpot ‘to.” She replied: “Ay sori, wala siya eh.” Sabay baba ng telepono.
10. Sayuri – While making sandwiches, our yaya was singing this to the tune of Hagibis’ song, “Katawan”: “Palaman, palaman, palaman, palaman…ooooo palaman!”
11. Janers – I asked our neighbor’s yaya what their dog’s name was, and she answered: “Francis.” Seconds later, her amo called out to her: “Yaya, ipasok mo na si Princess, paliliguan ko!”
12. SC – My mom instructed our yaya to call Malabanan to drain our poso negro. Yaya: “Sumisipsip kayo ng ebak?” Malabanan: “Opo.” Yaya: “Ano lasa?”
13. No name – Having multiple yayas, I asked when I called up the house: “Sino ‘to?” Our yaya answered: “Eh di ako!”
14. Kat – Our yaya has no letter S. “Britney Spear”, “Tom Hank”, “Backstreet Boy”, and “Wat dat?”
15. Cynch – We tasked our yaya to cook lumpiang shanghai. She did, pero sing-laki ng lumpiang sariwa.
16. No name – During a party, I instructed our yaya: “Ilabas mo yung lechon…pero may apple sa bibig ha!” She came out with the lechon…with an apple in her mouth.
17. Mu_Langot – Our yaya complained: “Hindi maganda yung sabon sa banyo. Mabango pero di bumubula.” When we checked, she was using the albatross deodorizer.
18. Botchok – When we applied for a visa to the U.S., my husband was denied but our yaya was granted one! (actually this makes her a winner, more than a loser)
19. Boknoi – Our uncle couldn’t make it to a wedding, so he was asking us: “Ano tawag dun, yung may papalit nalang sa yo?” Of course the word was “proxy”. Our yaya excitedly offered: “Alam ko yun, prosti!”
20. Boknoi – One time, a pigeon pooped on me, so told our yaya: “Pengeng toilet paper!” She answered: “Kuya, paano mo pa pupunasan ang puwet nun, eh nakalipad na!”
21. Toned26 – My mom instructed our yaya to buy a chicken, remove all the feathers, then put it in the freezer. When my mom arrived home, she opened the freezer and found a live featherless chicken shivering inside our freezer.
22. Sephulturero – On our way out of town, my mom screamed: “Naku balik tayo, naiwan kong bukas ang kalan!” Our yaya calmly assured her: “Wag kayng mag-alala ma’am, hindi tayo masusunugan, kasi naiwan ko ring nakabukas ang gripo…”
2. No name – My mom quizzed our new yaya: “Paano magluto ng nilagang baka?” The yaya answered: “Una…uhm…lulunurin muna yung baka…”
3. Greg/L&L – I asked our yaya to buy green peas. She came back with a tube of Colgate and said: “Wala pong grimpis, ang meron lang tutpis.”
4. No name – I asked our yaya how much a kilo of pork costs nowadays. She answered: “Ay, ewan ate, kasi laging kalahating kilo lang ang binibili ko.”
5. KeyArena – I instructed our yaya to press my blouse. After an hour, she came back with the blouse frozen, complete with icicles. When I asked what she did, she said: “Diba sabi mo i-press? Eh di nilagay so sa presser (freezer)!”
6. Chupachups – One time our yaya was struggling to get something on a high shelf. So I gave her a chair and said: “Eto, gamitin mo.” Annoyed, she said: “Ate, mas lalo kong di maaabot yan pag umupo ako!”
7. Puff daddy – One day I saw our yaya cooking fish. I asked: “Yaya, tuna yan?” She answered: “Kuya, hindi pa.” She thought I asked, “Luto na yan?”
8. Meatball – I asked our yaya how many LPG tanks we had. She said 2. But then I saw a third one, so I asked: “Eh ano yun?” She answered: “Basyo.”
9. BluePalito – I called up our house and our yaya answered: “Hello, sino ‘to?” So I said: “Manang, si Potpot ‘to.” She replied: “Ay sori, wala siya eh.” Sabay baba ng telepono.
10. Sayuri – While making sandwiches, our yaya was singing this to the tune of Hagibis’ song, “Katawan”: “Palaman, palaman, palaman, palaman…ooooo palaman!”
11. Janers – I asked our neighbor’s yaya what their dog’s name was, and she answered: “Francis.” Seconds later, her amo called out to her: “Yaya, ipasok mo na si Princess, paliliguan ko!”
12. SC – My mom instructed our yaya to call Malabanan to drain our poso negro. Yaya: “Sumisipsip kayo ng ebak?” Malabanan: “Opo.” Yaya: “Ano lasa?”
13. No name – Having multiple yayas, I asked when I called up the house: “Sino ‘to?” Our yaya answered: “Eh di ako!”
14. Kat – Our yaya has no letter S. “Britney Spear”, “Tom Hank”, “Backstreet Boy”, and “Wat dat?”
15. Cynch – We tasked our yaya to cook lumpiang shanghai. She did, pero sing-laki ng lumpiang sariwa.
16. No name – During a party, I instructed our yaya: “Ilabas mo yung lechon…pero may apple sa bibig ha!” She came out with the lechon…with an apple in her mouth.
17. Mu_Langot – Our yaya complained: “Hindi maganda yung sabon sa banyo. Mabango pero di bumubula.” When we checked, she was using the albatross deodorizer.
18. Botchok – When we applied for a visa to the U.S., my husband was denied but our yaya was granted one! (actually this makes her a winner, more than a loser)
19. Boknoi – Our uncle couldn’t make it to a wedding, so he was asking us: “Ano tawag dun, yung may papalit nalang sa yo?” Of course the word was “proxy”. Our yaya excitedly offered: “Alam ko yun, prosti!”
20. Boknoi – One time, a pigeon pooped on me, so told our yaya: “Pengeng toilet paper!” She answered: “Kuya, paano mo pa pupunasan ang puwet nun, eh nakalipad na!”
21. Toned26 – My mom instructed our yaya to buy a chicken, remove all the feathers, then put it in the freezer. When my mom arrived home, she opened the freezer and found a live featherless chicken shivering inside our freezer.
22. Sephulturero – On our way out of town, my mom screamed: “Naku balik tayo, naiwan kong bukas ang kalan!” Our yaya calmly assured her: “Wag kayng mag-alala ma’am, hindi tayo masusunugan, kasi naiwan ko ring nakabukas ang gripo…”
The Top Ten Ways To Answer The Question: “When Does Love Become A Bad Thing?”
1. Astroboy – If your relati0nship has become like an empty decorated heart-shaped box…beautiful but hollow.
2. RC and Cess – When loving becomes synonymous with possessing.
3. Iceage – When doubt and distrust creep into the relationship.
4. Farrah/Blanko/The Wanderer – When you lose who you are, trying to be who your loved one wants you to be.
5. Echosero – When my friend found out that her boyfriend cheated on her, you know what she did? She bought him a PSP.
6. Iceage – When it reaches the point where for her, sex = shopping.
7. Leirolf – Pag binubutas mo yung condom niya para mapikot mo siya.
8. Gracia – When it messes up both your happy homes.
9. Urduja – Whe you start embroidering your name on all of his underwear.
10. Loi Pogi – Pag ang text niya sa iyo araw-araw is iisa lang: “I love you babe, pa-load naman ng 100.”
11. Jaeda – When you put your boyfriend on a pedestal as he puts you down every chance he gets.
12. Lolong Hinugot Sa Tadyang Ng Seksing Aktress – Kapag wala ka nang ginawa araw-araw kundi tumawag sa psychic hotline para itanong ang kapalaran ng relationship niyo.
13. Noodle Boy – If evertime you want sex, she asks you: “Do you have an appointment?”
14. RC and Cess – If you find yourself apologizing, even for the things you’re not guilty of, just to keep the peace.
15. Abernathy – If you THINK you love someone, instead of FEELING it.
16. Ehn Rand – If your relationship is starting to play out like a poorly-scripted soap opera.
17. Kopikoto – When she keeps asking you to prove your love to her.
18. No name – When you magnify the good things, in order to justify the hurtful things he’s done.
19. Rodel – Pag bumabaon na yung mga kalmot niya sa likod mo.
20. Loi Pogi – Pag napapadalas ang tulog niya sa kuwarto ng kuya mong bi-curious.
2. RC and Cess – When loving becomes synonymous with possessing.
3. Iceage – When doubt and distrust creep into the relationship.
4. Farrah/Blanko/The Wanderer – When you lose who you are, trying to be who your loved one wants you to be.
5. Echosero – When my friend found out that her boyfriend cheated on her, you know what she did? She bought him a PSP.
6. Iceage – When it reaches the point where for her, sex = shopping.
7. Leirolf – Pag binubutas mo yung condom niya para mapikot mo siya.
8. Gracia – When it messes up both your happy homes.
9. Urduja – Whe you start embroidering your name on all of his underwear.
10. Loi Pogi – Pag ang text niya sa iyo araw-araw is iisa lang: “I love you babe, pa-load naman ng 100.”
11. Jaeda – When you put your boyfriend on a pedestal as he puts you down every chance he gets.
12. Lolong Hinugot Sa Tadyang Ng Seksing Aktress – Kapag wala ka nang ginawa araw-araw kundi tumawag sa psychic hotline para itanong ang kapalaran ng relationship niyo.
13. Noodle Boy – If evertime you want sex, she asks you: “Do you have an appointment?”
14. RC and Cess – If you find yourself apologizing, even for the things you’re not guilty of, just to keep the peace.
15. Abernathy – If you THINK you love someone, instead of FEELING it.
16. Ehn Rand – If your relationship is starting to play out like a poorly-scripted soap opera.
17. Kopikoto – When she keeps asking you to prove your love to her.
18. No name – When you magnify the good things, in order to justify the hurtful things he’s done.
19. Rodel – Pag bumabaon na yung mga kalmot niya sa likod mo.
20. Loi Pogi – Pag napapadalas ang tulog niya sa kuwarto ng kuya mong bi-curious.
The Top Ten Signs That You’ve Become An Old Maid
1. Langgam – Whe you find yourself praying: “Sige na Lord, kahit sino na, basta mabait…”
2. Maomao – Before you used to get a massage to relax your muscles, now you get a massage because it’s the only chance you get to have a man’s hands on your body.
3. RC and Cess – Kapag kinukupkop ka na ng kapatid mo na tumira na lang sa kanila at alagaan ang mga pamangkin mo.
4. Tonsky – If your idea of a busy weekend is Tai Chi in Luneta then taking care of your nephews after.
5. DontCurseMe – If you live with your 3 old maid aunts.
6. Lonely Seagirl – When you say, “I have a date tonight”, you actually mean you’re watching a movie with relatives.
7. No name – When you say, “my kids”, you’re referring to your potted plants.
8. Ms. Vain – Pag mahilig ka na sa ube. (CHICO: Hey! Ube happens to be my favorite ice cream flavor! Hmph.)
9. Jonathan - If you’re on the MRT and you start shouting: “Manghihipo! Manghihipo!” And when the guys says: “Hindi naman kita hinihipuan ah!” You say: “Eto naman, para nagsu-suggest lang!”
10. Eylek – If for Christmas you get the following gifts: cross stitch, rocking chair, balabal.
11. No name – Kung may nahanap kang expiry date sa poocheech mo.
12. Myuki – If you tell yourself: “Meron naman vibra mode…”
13. Maomao – If you plan for the future with only yourself in mind.
14. Abernathy – If people start asking: “Are you sure you’re not lesbian?”
15. Urduja – If you say stuff like: “I like children, as long as they’re not mine.”
16. Incognito/Lolo Ben – If you graduate from Singles For Christ, to Handmaids of the Lord.
17. Hopeless Jec – Kapag ang mga pinapa-date sa iyo ng mga kaibigan mo, kundi biyudo, hiwalay sa asawa.
18. Astroboy – When kisses from men start feeling like charity.
19. PC Konek – If the only person who tells you to, “spread ‘em”, is your OB-GYN.
20. Jockaz – Pag niyayaya ka na ng mga amiga ng nanay mo na sumali sa ballroom dancing nila.
21. Tinidor de Libro – If the beneficiaries of all your insurance policies are always your nieces and nephews.
22. Draco’s Biatch – Pag nagi-ipon ka na ng tupperware at bedsheet.
23. Javipot – You’re single but they stop calling you during the bouquet toss.
24. Gooey Kablooey – If all your dates say: “Kumusta na PO kayo…”
25. Garfield – You say stuff like: “I don’t need a man to make me happy.”
26. Loi Pogi – After a date, yung guy imbes na nagki-kiss, nagma-mano!
27. No name – If your sister gets you as her “Old Maid of Honor” on her wedding.
28. Billie – You start naming your cats the names you were reserving for your future kids.
2. Maomao – Before you used to get a massage to relax your muscles, now you get a massage because it’s the only chance you get to have a man’s hands on your body.
3. RC and Cess – Kapag kinukupkop ka na ng kapatid mo na tumira na lang sa kanila at alagaan ang mga pamangkin mo.
4. Tonsky – If your idea of a busy weekend is Tai Chi in Luneta then taking care of your nephews after.
5. DontCurseMe – If you live with your 3 old maid aunts.
6. Lonely Seagirl – When you say, “I have a date tonight”, you actually mean you’re watching a movie with relatives.
7. No name – When you say, “my kids”, you’re referring to your potted plants.
8. Ms. Vain – Pag mahilig ka na sa ube. (CHICO: Hey! Ube happens to be my favorite ice cream flavor! Hmph.)
9. Jonathan - If you’re on the MRT and you start shouting: “Manghihipo! Manghihipo!” And when the guys says: “Hindi naman kita hinihipuan ah!” You say: “Eto naman, para nagsu-suggest lang!”
10. Eylek – If for Christmas you get the following gifts: cross stitch, rocking chair, balabal.
11. No name – Kung may nahanap kang expiry date sa poocheech mo.
12. Myuki – If you tell yourself: “Meron naman vibra mode…”
13. Maomao – If you plan for the future with only yourself in mind.
14. Abernathy – If people start asking: “Are you sure you’re not lesbian?”
15. Urduja – If you say stuff like: “I like children, as long as they’re not mine.”
16. Incognito/Lolo Ben – If you graduate from Singles For Christ, to Handmaids of the Lord.
17. Hopeless Jec – Kapag ang mga pinapa-date sa iyo ng mga kaibigan mo, kundi biyudo, hiwalay sa asawa.
18. Astroboy – When kisses from men start feeling like charity.
19. PC Konek – If the only person who tells you to, “spread ‘em”, is your OB-GYN.
20. Jockaz – Pag niyayaya ka na ng mga amiga ng nanay mo na sumali sa ballroom dancing nila.
21. Tinidor de Libro – If the beneficiaries of all your insurance policies are always your nieces and nephews.
22. Draco’s Biatch – Pag nagi-ipon ka na ng tupperware at bedsheet.
23. Javipot – You’re single but they stop calling you during the bouquet toss.
24. Gooey Kablooey – If all your dates say: “Kumusta na PO kayo…”
25. Garfield – You say stuff like: “I don’t need a man to make me happy.”
26. Loi Pogi – After a date, yung guy imbes na nagki-kiss, nagma-mano!
27. No name – If your sister gets you as her “Old Maid of Honor” on her wedding.
28. Billie – You start naming your cats the names you were reserving for your future kids.
The Top Ten Things To Say If You’re Crush Asks You: “Am I Your Crush?”
1. Tbone – “Feeling ka ha! Di ka naman kagandahan! Ang kapal ng mukha! Oo crush kita…”
2. Bulate Kid – “You’re not my crush…you’re my life.”
3. Jorik – “If I say yes, do I get a free taste?”
4. Boknoi – “Hello? Lumilipad ba ang mga ibon? Lumalangoy ba ang mga isda? Binugbog ba ni Chris Brown si Rihanna?”
5. Gooey Kablooey – “Crush, hindi. Sexy thoughts, oo.”
6. Michelangelo – “What answer would you like to hear?”
7. Specialist – “Yes, I do. You may now kiss the bride.”
8. SC – “Kiss muna…”
9. YJ – “Would it bother you if I said yes?”
10. SPY Shadow – “No, I just like watching you breastfeed.”
11. Loi Pogi – “Pare I’m not gay…bi-curious/straight tripper lang.”
12. DocRod – “Hon naman, debut na ng bunso natin mamaya, tinatanong mo pa rin yan?”
13. Tequila Rose – “Bakit, masama?”
14. Kamyla – “Di ko mawari, tila’y nasa pagitna ako ng bangungot at delubyo…”
15. Rvincent – “Dati, nung babae pa ang gusto ko.”
16. Red – “Maraming namamatay sa maling akala…”
17. Edric – “Anong crush-crush, TUWAD!”
18. Espeks – “Oh no, sex na ba’to?”
19. Loi Pogi – “Hinaan mo yang boses mo pare, baka marinig tayo ni misis…”
20. Pancakes – “If you were me and I were you, would you answer that question and admit to me that I’m your crush?”
2. Bulate Kid – “You’re not my crush…you’re my life.”
3. Jorik – “If I say yes, do I get a free taste?”
4. Boknoi – “Hello? Lumilipad ba ang mga ibon? Lumalangoy ba ang mga isda? Binugbog ba ni Chris Brown si Rihanna?”
5. Gooey Kablooey – “Crush, hindi. Sexy thoughts, oo.”
6. Michelangelo – “What answer would you like to hear?”
7. Specialist – “Yes, I do. You may now kiss the bride.”
8. SC – “Kiss muna…”
9. YJ – “Would it bother you if I said yes?”
10. SPY Shadow – “No, I just like watching you breastfeed.”
11. Loi Pogi – “Pare I’m not gay…bi-curious/straight tripper lang.”
12. DocRod – “Hon naman, debut na ng bunso natin mamaya, tinatanong mo pa rin yan?”
13. Tequila Rose – “Bakit, masama?”
14. Kamyla – “Di ko mawari, tila’y nasa pagitna ako ng bangungot at delubyo…”
15. Rvincent – “Dati, nung babae pa ang gusto ko.”
16. Red – “Maraming namamatay sa maling akala…”
17. Edric – “Anong crush-crush, TUWAD!”
18. Espeks – “Oh no, sex na ba’to?”
19. Loi Pogi – “Hinaan mo yang boses mo pare, baka marinig tayo ni misis…”
20. Pancakes – “If you were me and I were you, would you answer that question and admit to me that I’m your crush?”
The Top Ten Ways To Complete The Statement: “The Next Time I Fall In Love…” –
1. Ray Daniels – “…it will be with someone who’s had his heart broken, so he’ll be careful not to break mine.”
2. Secretly-in-love – “…I wont give him my ATM, my credit card PIN and my bank authorization.”
3. Jia – “…it won’t be with my friend’s boyfriend.”
4. McMaki – “…it won’t be with a fictitious character.”
5. WayFinder – “…it will be someone who will love me as his wife, and not just as the mother of his children.”
6. Spice – “…it won’t be with a guy who has a girl for a best friend, because girl best friends don’t know when to step back.”
7. The Wanderer – “…it won’t be with someone who reminds me each day that I’ll burn in hell for eternity because I’m Catholic.”
8. Dumbbeau – “…it won’t be with a student because I almost lost my job the last time.”
9. Aileen/PurpleRose – “…I’ll make sure he loves me more than I love him.”
10. Hot Commodity – “…it won’t be with a woman.”
11. Therapist – “…it won’t be with a bratty, trying hard, social climbing, narcissistic, paranoid, psychotic assumptionista.”
12. Nikchic – “…it won’t be with a perv who thinks sex is the requirement with which to prove my love for him.”
13. Arci – “…it won’t be with a 23-yr-old who acts like a 9-yr-old boy who exhibits symptoms of being gay.”
14. Brics/MaiGensai – “…siguradong bugbog-sarado nanaman ako sa misis ko!”
15. Eien17 – “…it will be with someone who CANNOT be happy without me.”
16. Feb15 – “…it will be with someone na malapit lang sa amin nakatira, kasi mahirap maghatid-sundo ng malayo.”
17. Wilian – “…I will make sure her mother isn’t a psychopath.”
18. Sweetest Evil – “…I will exert more, but not expect more.”
19. RC and Cess – “…hindi na ko mangagako, PROMISE!”
20. Hellgirl – “…hindi na sa lalaking may kikay kit.”
21. shenZumi – “…I’m going to make sure it’s my last.”
22. Yuan – “…I will be brave enough to admit it.”
23. Langgam – “…hindi na sa Chinese na bawal ikasal sa Pilipina, kundi hindi pamamanahan ng hardware store nila.”
24. Xmimix – “…it won’t be with a guy who has ’short’comings.”
25. Beth – “…we won’t buy a puppy and call it our ‘baby’.”
26. Varick – “…it won’t be with a girl who has a social disease.”
27. FK Gurl – “…it won’t be with someone who has too much baggage.”
28. Eien17 – “…it would not be with someone who’s heart already belongs to someone else.”
29. Gamergirl – “…it will be with a guy who’s really single, and not just feeling single.”
30. Navygurl – “…it won’t be with a journalist who sensationalizes his feelings for me, the way he does with some of his news reports.”
31. Acer – “…it would have to be in another lifetime.”
32. Varick – “…I’ll make sure the girl’s dad is not from the police or the military.”
33. Gorgeous Bitch – “…I’ll try to be a little less bossy, and a little more submissive.”
34. Topsy Turvey – “…I’ll close my legs more, and open my eyes more.”
35. No name – “…siguro basted nanaman.”
2. Secretly-in-love – “…I wont give him my ATM, my credit card PIN and my bank authorization.”
3. Jia – “…it won’t be with my friend’s boyfriend.”
4. McMaki – “…it won’t be with a fictitious character.”
5. WayFinder – “…it will be someone who will love me as his wife, and not just as the mother of his children.”
6. Spice – “…it won’t be with a guy who has a girl for a best friend, because girl best friends don’t know when to step back.”
7. The Wanderer – “…it won’t be with someone who reminds me each day that I’ll burn in hell for eternity because I’m Catholic.”
8. Dumbbeau – “…it won’t be with a student because I almost lost my job the last time.”
9. Aileen/PurpleRose – “…I’ll make sure he loves me more than I love him.”
10. Hot Commodity – “…it won’t be with a woman.”
11. Therapist – “…it won’t be with a bratty, trying hard, social climbing, narcissistic, paranoid, psychotic assumptionista.”
12. Nikchic – “…it won’t be with a perv who thinks sex is the requirement with which to prove my love for him.”
13. Arci – “…it won’t be with a 23-yr-old who acts like a 9-yr-old boy who exhibits symptoms of being gay.”
14. Brics/MaiGensai – “…siguradong bugbog-sarado nanaman ako sa misis ko!”
15. Eien17 – “…it will be with someone who CANNOT be happy without me.”
16. Feb15 – “…it will be with someone na malapit lang sa amin nakatira, kasi mahirap maghatid-sundo ng malayo.”
17. Wilian – “…I will make sure her mother isn’t a psychopath.”
18. Sweetest Evil – “…I will exert more, but not expect more.”
19. RC and Cess – “…hindi na ko mangagako, PROMISE!”
20. Hellgirl – “…hindi na sa lalaking may kikay kit.”
21. shenZumi – “…I’m going to make sure it’s my last.”
22. Yuan – “…I will be brave enough to admit it.”
23. Langgam – “…hindi na sa Chinese na bawal ikasal sa Pilipina, kundi hindi pamamanahan ng hardware store nila.”
24. Xmimix – “…it won’t be with a guy who has ’short’comings.”
25. Beth – “…we won’t buy a puppy and call it our ‘baby’.”
26. Varick – “…it won’t be with a girl who has a social disease.”
27. FK Gurl – “…it won’t be with someone who has too much baggage.”
28. Eien17 – “…it would not be with someone who’s heart already belongs to someone else.”
29. Gamergirl – “…it will be with a guy who’s really single, and not just feeling single.”
30. Navygurl – “…it won’t be with a journalist who sensationalizes his feelings for me, the way he does with some of his news reports.”
31. Acer – “…it would have to be in another lifetime.”
32. Varick – “…I’ll make sure the girl’s dad is not from the police or the military.”
33. Gorgeous Bitch – “…I’ll try to be a little less bossy, and a little more submissive.”
34. Topsy Turvey – “…I’ll close my legs more, and open my eyes more.”
35. No name – “…siguro basted nanaman.”
The Top Ten Signs That You Are A Poser
1. Shaggilid – I once had an officemate who would mix a sachet of 3-in-1 coffee in a Starbucks mug every morning. Worse, he would walk around the whole building carrying that Starbucks mug knowing that the building has a Starbucks branch on its ground floor.
2. Jedi Mster – When we asked where we’ll have coffee, a friend said: “Siyempre sa favorite hangout ko, Starbucks! I’ll get a medium kape chino.”
3. Blitzkrieg – Girl 1: “Grabe, I’m the biggest Twilight fan!” Girl 2: “Sige nga, what’s Edward’s last name?” Girl 1: “Duh. Eh di COLLINS!”
4. No name – A pa-sosy ingglisera girl: “Grabe, last minute decision! Super sperm of the moment!”
5. Gandako – A pa-sosy trying hard girl at the supermarket fruit section: “Miss, are your grapes boneless?”
6. Boknoi – A girl at our office: “You know what I hate? People who can’t speak English but who keep speaking it anyway. It’s really my PET BEEF!”
7. Forg – People who always have a DSLR hanging around their neck, but you never see them take even a single shot.
8. Forg – Mga taong pupunta sa Starbucks, not to buy coffee, but to take a photo for her profile pic.
9. Kesibi – I bought this Adidas ADMU and DLSU shirts and jackets. I wear DLSU when I go to Taft and Manila area, and ADMU when I visit the Katipunan area.
10. Chino – In college my evil sister would wear my class ring, para mukha siyang may boyfriend na Lasalista.
11. No name – I once asked a guy wearing a Che Guevarra shirt: “Do you know who that is?” He answered: “I forgot his name, but he’s a rocker!”
12. TwistedSaint – I once heard a know-it-all say, “Let’s watch the Indian movie, Slamdunk Millionaire!”
13. Dindin – On my sister’s profile, she put under “favorite TV show”: Gossip Girls.
14. Mamsy – When the pastor decried the evils of internet cafes, the woman beside me asked: “Oh no, like Starbucks!”
15. Tipsy – We had an officemate who always had the latest gadget like ipod and laptop, pero laging hinihimatay sa gutom. Apparently she’s stopped eating just to keep up her lifestyle.
16. Cha Park – Speaking of UP Manila, the ones who recruited me to a sorority and clamored against brain drain, the ones who’d drag me to rallies, were the first ones who migrated to the U.S. after graduation.
17. RC and Cess – While watching CSI, my know-it-all uncle exclaimed: “Favorite ko yang McGyver!”
18. Dru – Gay guys who claim to be discreet, malayo palang kita mo na ang pilantik ng daliri.
19. Dru – People with expensive laptops hanging out at Starbucks, pero pag tinignan mo, Friendster lang ang sinu-surf.
20. Geyp – Sosy: “Wanna party at Embassy?” Poser: “Sure, I’m in the mood to meet ambassadors!”
21. Smiles-a-lot – I once went out with a sosy girl who ordered wine, then when the drink arrived, said: “Ay, walang ice?”
22. Yunix – Mga todo rockista ang porma, pero pag tinanong mo kung ano pinapakinggan sa ipod — Eminem!
23. Stix – May friend ako araw-araw iba ang kotseng dala sa school. Later we found out, daddy niya pala may-ari ng talyer.
24. Ruelski – A guy with a top of the line DSLR pero pag tinignan mo, naka-full auto mode lang pala.
25. Dexter – I have an officemate who always has the latest phone, pero laging nagpapa-pasa load.
26. Sadakups – Pag pinagmamalaki mong Rusher ka na since 1990.
27. SC – One friend was asking for directions to Greenbelt. Another friend said: “Hello, Greenbelt lang hindi mo pa alam? Katabi ng Greenhills.”
28. Specialist – A sosy girl: “Wanna ride on our yachtboat?”
29. Astroboy – I had a classmate who claimed she knew nothing about local showbiz, pero ang notebook niya: John Lloyd!
30. Jhomar – A friend claims he’s an athiest. Pero pag natatakot, he always says: “Oh my GOD!”
31. Blair – You have an iPhone…pero prepaid naman.
32. Boknoi – I have a new officemate who claims that she is a graduate of UP Manila. Having graduated there myself, I asked her, “O, kumusta naman Padre Faura?”. She replied, “Ahmm, nung huli kaming mag-usap, okay naman daw siya…”
2. Jedi Mster – When we asked where we’ll have coffee, a friend said: “Siyempre sa favorite hangout ko, Starbucks! I’ll get a medium kape chino.”
3. Blitzkrieg – Girl 1: “Grabe, I’m the biggest Twilight fan!” Girl 2: “Sige nga, what’s Edward’s last name?” Girl 1: “Duh. Eh di COLLINS!”
4. No name – A pa-sosy ingglisera girl: “Grabe, last minute decision! Super sperm of the moment!”
5. Gandako – A pa-sosy trying hard girl at the supermarket fruit section: “Miss, are your grapes boneless?”
6. Boknoi – A girl at our office: “You know what I hate? People who can’t speak English but who keep speaking it anyway. It’s really my PET BEEF!”
7. Forg – People who always have a DSLR hanging around their neck, but you never see them take even a single shot.
8. Forg – Mga taong pupunta sa Starbucks, not to buy coffee, but to take a photo for her profile pic.
9. Kesibi – I bought this Adidas ADMU and DLSU shirts and jackets. I wear DLSU when I go to Taft and Manila area, and ADMU when I visit the Katipunan area.
10. Chino – In college my evil sister would wear my class ring, para mukha siyang may boyfriend na Lasalista.
11. No name – I once asked a guy wearing a Che Guevarra shirt: “Do you know who that is?” He answered: “I forgot his name, but he’s a rocker!”
12. TwistedSaint – I once heard a know-it-all say, “Let’s watch the Indian movie, Slamdunk Millionaire!”
13. Dindin – On my sister’s profile, she put under “favorite TV show”: Gossip Girls.
14. Mamsy – When the pastor decried the evils of internet cafes, the woman beside me asked: “Oh no, like Starbucks!”
15. Tipsy – We had an officemate who always had the latest gadget like ipod and laptop, pero laging hinihimatay sa gutom. Apparently she’s stopped eating just to keep up her lifestyle.
16. Cha Park – Speaking of UP Manila, the ones who recruited me to a sorority and clamored against brain drain, the ones who’d drag me to rallies, were the first ones who migrated to the U.S. after graduation.
17. RC and Cess – While watching CSI, my know-it-all uncle exclaimed: “Favorite ko yang McGyver!”
18. Dru – Gay guys who claim to be discreet, malayo palang kita mo na ang pilantik ng daliri.
19. Dru – People with expensive laptops hanging out at Starbucks, pero pag tinignan mo, Friendster lang ang sinu-surf.
20. Geyp – Sosy: “Wanna party at Embassy?” Poser: “Sure, I’m in the mood to meet ambassadors!”
21. Smiles-a-lot – I once went out with a sosy girl who ordered wine, then when the drink arrived, said: “Ay, walang ice?”
22. Yunix – Mga todo rockista ang porma, pero pag tinanong mo kung ano pinapakinggan sa ipod — Eminem!
23. Stix – May friend ako araw-araw iba ang kotseng dala sa school. Later we found out, daddy niya pala may-ari ng talyer.
24. Ruelski – A guy with a top of the line DSLR pero pag tinignan mo, naka-full auto mode lang pala.
25. Dexter – I have an officemate who always has the latest phone, pero laging nagpapa-pasa load.
26. Sadakups – Pag pinagmamalaki mong Rusher ka na since 1990.
27. SC – One friend was asking for directions to Greenbelt. Another friend said: “Hello, Greenbelt lang hindi mo pa alam? Katabi ng Greenhills.”
28. Specialist – A sosy girl: “Wanna ride on our yachtboat?”
29. Astroboy – I had a classmate who claimed she knew nothing about local showbiz, pero ang notebook niya: John Lloyd!
30. Jhomar – A friend claims he’s an athiest. Pero pag natatakot, he always says: “Oh my GOD!”
31. Blair – You have an iPhone…pero prepaid naman.
32. Boknoi – I have a new officemate who claims that she is a graduate of UP Manila. Having graduated there myself, I asked her, “O, kumusta naman Padre Faura?”. She replied, “Ahmm, nung huli kaming mag-usap, okay naman daw siya…”
The Top Ten Lies Grownups Told You
1. SC – Sabi ng mama ko, pag lagi akong kumakain sa McDo, malalaman ni Freddie Krueger na masarap ang pagkain dun, kaya kikidnapin niya si Ronald McDonald at gagawing personal cook.
2. Pekto – My yaya told me na naghirap na ang school ko (Don Bosco), kaya gagawin na lang “Mang Bosco” ang pangalan.
3. Billog – As a kid, I’d always ask for an apple. Not being rich, my mom would always give me a tomato and told me it’s the Philippine version of an apple.
4. Toby – My mom told me that if I didn’t drink my milk, liliit ang putotoy ko.
5. Chuchay – My lola told me: “Wag kang sisipol, kundi lalaki ang pepe mo.”
6. Bebang -Sabi ng tita ko, pag di daw ako natulog ng tanghali, hihigupin ako ng malaking trumpeta ng banda ng patay.
7. Pendong - Nung bata pa kami sa probinsiya, pag nanghingi kami ng pera, sasabihin ng mama namin, niluluto pa daw niya ang pera.
8. Manong Guard – Sabi ng lola ko, pag nasugatan ako ng Biyernes Santo, may lalabas sa sugat ko na pari na may kasamang prusisiyon.
9. Fallen Angel – My dad used to tell us that medicine was: “pinatigas na softdrinks”.
10. Dolce Vita – My lolo used to tell us that he owned Mt. Arayat. We’d tell all our classmates and they’d all believe us as well.
11. Jordin – My lola told me, when I get my first period, to wipe my panty on my face so I don’t get pimples.
12. Frederique – That Santa Claus owns Unimart and Cherry Foodarama, that’s why sometimes my gifts are wrapped in Unimart and Cherry gift wrappers.
13. Niña – My lola told me pag sinampay ng magkatabi ang brief at ang panty, mabubuntis ang may-ari ng panty.
14. Huge – When I asked my lola how my lolo died, she answered: “Nakalimutan niyang huminga.”
15. Eliteblood – Our lola told us: “Ang gamot sa sore eyes, ihian niyo ang sarili niyong mga mata.”
16. Leni – Pag daw naulanan ka when you have your period, mababaliw ka.
17. Petiks – My tita said pakagat namin ang nipples namin sa tutubi para gumaling kami sa swimming.
18. Astroboy – An uncle told my brother before that PSBA meant: Pagawaan ng Sapatos, Bakya, Atbp.
19. Kesibi – There’s another Santa Claus who makes toys using not elves, but little slave kids who were naughty too many times.
20. Billie – Our parents said for every grain of rice that we wasted, would be a sack of rice we’d carry in purgatory.
21. Yñaki – My evil uncle said our old yaya used to be an ago-go dancer, and that one of our cousins is her son.
22. Astroboy – My mom told us that being an old maid is hereditary.
23. Kaulitz – According to my dad, chewing gum is made of “gilagid ng intsik”.
24. LilRedShiningNips – Whenever my officemate’s kid asks where his father is, she tells him, “Anak, nalunod siya sa sabaw.”
25. Archiekins – Every time you point at a star, an angel goes blind.
26. Nobag – My older brother told me that if I peed on a girl’s pee, I’d get her pregnant.
27. Epiktetus – My older brother told me that there were actually 13 months in a year. The 13th month is a secret. It’s called Tektember.
2. Pekto – My yaya told me na naghirap na ang school ko (Don Bosco), kaya gagawin na lang “Mang Bosco” ang pangalan.
3. Billog – As a kid, I’d always ask for an apple. Not being rich, my mom would always give me a tomato and told me it’s the Philippine version of an apple.
4. Toby – My mom told me that if I didn’t drink my milk, liliit ang putotoy ko.
5. Chuchay – My lola told me: “Wag kang sisipol, kundi lalaki ang pepe mo.”
6. Bebang -Sabi ng tita ko, pag di daw ako natulog ng tanghali, hihigupin ako ng malaking trumpeta ng banda ng patay.
7. Pendong - Nung bata pa kami sa probinsiya, pag nanghingi kami ng pera, sasabihin ng mama namin, niluluto pa daw niya ang pera.
8. Manong Guard – Sabi ng lola ko, pag nasugatan ako ng Biyernes Santo, may lalabas sa sugat ko na pari na may kasamang prusisiyon.
9. Fallen Angel – My dad used to tell us that medicine was: “pinatigas na softdrinks”.
10. Dolce Vita – My lolo used to tell us that he owned Mt. Arayat. We’d tell all our classmates and they’d all believe us as well.
11. Jordin – My lola told me, when I get my first period, to wipe my panty on my face so I don’t get pimples.
12. Frederique – That Santa Claus owns Unimart and Cherry Foodarama, that’s why sometimes my gifts are wrapped in Unimart and Cherry gift wrappers.
13. Niña – My lola told me pag sinampay ng magkatabi ang brief at ang panty, mabubuntis ang may-ari ng panty.
14. Huge – When I asked my lola how my lolo died, she answered: “Nakalimutan niyang huminga.”
15. Eliteblood – Our lola told us: “Ang gamot sa sore eyes, ihian niyo ang sarili niyong mga mata.”
16. Leni – Pag daw naulanan ka when you have your period, mababaliw ka.
17. Petiks – My tita said pakagat namin ang nipples namin sa tutubi para gumaling kami sa swimming.
18. Astroboy – An uncle told my brother before that PSBA meant: Pagawaan ng Sapatos, Bakya, Atbp.
19. Kesibi – There’s another Santa Claus who makes toys using not elves, but little slave kids who were naughty too many times.
20. Billie – Our parents said for every grain of rice that we wasted, would be a sack of rice we’d carry in purgatory.
21. Yñaki – My evil uncle said our old yaya used to be an ago-go dancer, and that one of our cousins is her son.
22. Astroboy – My mom told us that being an old maid is hereditary.
23. Kaulitz – According to my dad, chewing gum is made of “gilagid ng intsik”.
24. LilRedShiningNips – Whenever my officemate’s kid asks where his father is, she tells him, “Anak, nalunod siya sa sabaw.”
25. Archiekins – Every time you point at a star, an angel goes blind.
26. Nobag – My older brother told me that if I peed on a girl’s pee, I’d get her pregnant.
27. Epiktetus – My older brother told me that there were actually 13 months in a year. The 13th month is a secret. It’s called Tektember.
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